Fudge

I had to bury my dog yesterday and it sucked.

He seemed like he was recovering but it was not the case. I was wrong.  We all were. Yesterday after Grace got home, he seemed okay.  That was the thing.  He was wagging his tail and had some life in him, but he was still in pain. So Jamie sent me to the store to pick up some more gas pills along with a few groceries.

I was already upset because he wasn't in the best of health and he needed some medicine.

Once I got there, i had to move quickly and get to the pharmacy to get things paid for and back home fairly quickly... but them Jamie called and she was bawling.  She told me that he had died.

There are a few moments in life that things just jar your soul, and this was one of them.  I broke into a cold sweat and just listened.  Fudge was gone.

I paid for the groceries and my medicine at the pharmacy.  I had to put his medicine back as it wasn't needed. That was a really ugly feeling to have to experience.  Then when I got back out to the truck I realized I had to fill up at the gas station.  I was just flat out angry, upset, and pissed at everything around me. It was a coping mechanism, not just for Fudge, but other areas of my attitude as well.

When I got home, the first thing I did was greet Grace to hug her. She was bawling, and so was Jamie.  I went to hug her too.

It isn't every day you lose a pet.  Especially an adorable one with such personality.  Kevin, my brother in law found him at first, and he just came up to him, charming as ever, wagging his tail and looking for a bit of food and companionship.

Soon after we took him home.  There were very few times that tail wasn't wagging.  Anyhow, t was Grace who named him.  I came up with name ideas like Duke and DJ Dog, but she was 2, and said Fudge.  And it stuck.  Since then Grace has been the namer of pets. She named Flower and Skittles when she was 5, in early 2013.

Fudge was also a strong little guy.  Put a leash on him and go to the park, he would be the one walking you. 

He had a thing for varmints too, which was pretty awesome.  If there was a rabbit or squirrel, he was on it! He would also howl along with Flower in happiness when we got home sometimes. 

But back to yesterday.

When Jamie called to say he had died, I felt a feeling that only happens a few times in life. It was massive and really sad... and as a guy that's one of the worst experiences we have to go through, because when we are shocked and hurt and upset, we still have to keep things together.

After the initial shock I had to see him for myself. It's comforting in a way to know that Jamie and Grace were here to be there for him as he passed, because he needed that.  When I got home, it was too late though.  His tongue was sticking out.

In lieu of tears at that moment, I had to mourn by digging his grave.Which I'm not in shape so much, but still.  The ground wasn't friendly.  Once it was ready though, we were all on the same page.  We buried him in his favorite blanket and with a tennis ball, because he was the first dog I ever had who played fetch. And the first dog I ever had for a lifetime... who passed as my dog.

We always gave away pets before because things changed enough to where we couldn't keep them. Those times were heartbreaking, but this was terrible.  Fudge was Grace's first pet. He was also the only companion dog that Flower ever had. He was there when Flower came here as a puppy.

Love your pets, they're family.

Love your family too, they're just as beloved to you as you are to them.  When the clock runs out, all you have is memories.